Normality

My weekend in general was pretty good overall, The last two Friday nights have been not my usual thing, but ended up being pretty crazy, good crew, good hangs. There was nudity & drunkenness; for some there was even romance & heartache. You guys that were there, rule & you all mean the world to me.

Real.

But today sucked for some reason.
Just the same as every other day though I guess.

Life.

I was thinking about how I started this thing to get all introspective, I guess clear some headspace.
But I read through mine & other peoples blogs & it’s all the fucking same.
Cliched lost, distant don’t where I’m going, wish I could feel something, wish I could feel a little less of this overwhelming pain/love/hate, blah blah, I’m so so unique & thoughtful – seriously.

No matter how much I type, or how much sincerity & realness I can pour into these words, these are just words on a computer screen & that’s all they can possibly be. Right now I feel numb to most people that surround me. I feel tired of systematic function & correspondence. I just feel so distant from most things in my life, more than I think anyone around me could actually believe.

But I know people who are going through and dealing with things I can’t comprehend, things that would break this fragile mind, and yet here we are trying to tell poetic battles of our youth anxiety & paranoia, lost found & love lost, desperation/isolation, sooo sick of these things. Disillusioned? Bitter? Jaded?

Turns out this is life. Deal with it. Keep moving. I know I should, I gotta stop standing over here in the corner looking at my feet, worrying about my future, my friends, my lifes blood.

Most of this is so damn irrelevant, so painfully trivial.
I have no idea where I’m going with this.
But I think I might revive my dream of moving to the beach with some books, halo & my surfboard.
Get spiritual & become a legit recluse.

But, I probably just need some b12 & some sleep.