Clearing.

There is no fear of evolution in the hardcore ‘genre’, it’s just that hardcore is hardcore – you wanna jam out on some shit, you’re simply just moving into different territory.

I’m not sure why all you ‘ground breakers’ want to cling so ferociously to the ‘hardcore’ banner, I mean if you’re into breaking down the boundaries anyway…

break them down,

fly your own flag.

Time

waits for no one.

above quote could of been lifted from a million different songs or movies, but seemed pretty cool when told to me by an old barber cutting my hair today.

I’d like to know what the fuck I’ve been waiting for all these years??

retrospect can be such a bitch.

all the cheesy quotes rule, I have new found appreciation, people shouldn’t take that stuff for granted..

live & learn

but actually.

Long time

No see huh?

Well I’m unsure as to why I just opened this up, I had a sudden urge I guess to fill any random internet stranger about my life..

Tedious? I probably wouldn’t really use that word to summarise everything but it’s what sprung to my mind immediately after I opened my eyes this morning.. Sometimes that routine just kicks you in the balls and you wanna stop – or maybe it’s just me and my teenage angst and ‘rebellion’ I can’t seem to grow out of..

Anyway, don’t mean to put you all wrong by that blurb, life in general is pretty sweet. Spring has been warming up my flesh and encouraging it even more to get outside and make the most of being a young fit adult.

I have a beautiful girlfriend, whom let’s me share a house with her, although she is slowly turning into an actual cat – she’s amazing.

The band is semi busy again, we could probably be busier if we actually practiced once and awhile to finish these new songs we been writing but hey. New stuff is cool, and the last tour of Australia was so much fun to say the least. Looking forward to what may come 2010.

Just finished reading this book called ‘don’t tell mum I work on the rigs’ – it was pretty bad, don’t recommend.

Discovered a love of Muay Thai at the beginning of this year which carrys theme of me trying to put myself outside my comfort zone, challenge myself, and break through my little paranoia/anxiety boundaries. Plus getting hit in the face within context is theraputic in a way.

So anyway I just realised this is like a weird little catch up but it’s kind of just me noting down things for myself.. Which I guess this whole thing was from the start, me trying to write things out so I can get perspective and clear my head.

Oh and even though I’m generally a lot chirpier.

The world outside is still a marble grey even of the sun is shinning. A ceasepit of monotony & boring people who are struggling to just let go & experience something. False ideals plastic trends which in turn inspire counter culture retaliation – step back for a second and just realise you’re as shit as the people you’re shitting on and relax for five minutes.

And I still hate you even if I’m polite & smiling.

But the world can be such a good time, especially with amazing people / animals & food.

Oh and the fact I have used and as well as & really bugs me but I can’t be bothered fixing it.

Invictus.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbow’d.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

by William Ernest Henry

Just stumbled upon this by complete accident while taking a break from writing some quite despondent lyrics, ironic. Sweet pick me up, maybe I’ll read this every morning instead of having a coffee..

I’m guilty / bored.

So today, for the first time in weeks, months – I don’t really have anything pressing to do, I definetly have things I could be doing but they are so minute or distant I don’t feel to bad procrastinating from them.

Now, I’m plagued with this immense guilt for just sitting around. Although I do feel like I should be relaxing, I mean for the last I can’t even remember my brain has constantly been a fried egg and my hair has literally been falling out..

I feel like I should be doing some proactive relaxing, reading or something, trying to advance my stunted vocabulary from 3 swear words.

Ah, look how shit I’ve become.. this is how bored I am. That’s it really, it’s not really guilt, I think it’s just boredom. While all my friends embrace their employment I’m sitting inside on a sunny (its deceiving though, its chilly) day.

I need to go buy a rugby ball or something. That I think is an incredible idea. I’m gonna go be 13 again.

*p.s – I think I honestly opened up this page to try & write something exciting & good.

FAIL. hahaha oooh well.

Zombie Country.

Being stuck in the middle of nowhere is kind of liberating in away, although I can’t help but feel immediately disconnected.

Which is generally a good thing, although sometimes it kinda eats away at me, but only because I’m probably lacking some of the essential nutrients in the brain.

Been vegan forever now it seems, 6 years or something, never once had a check up, partly because I have never really felt the need & partly because needles are fucked. I want to, out of interest. Maybe I should.

Thinking about starting to put together a zine documenting my personal experience of the bands South East Asia trip. I don’t really know what I would do with the finished product, but I think it would be a sweet project to try & follow through. For lack of better cliches the whole thing was such an eye opener on so many levels & I totally feel I now see the world through different eyes.

When I was younger I gave more of a shit about this world & trying to fix it. Over the years this seemed to gradually erode as I fell into more of a routine. I obviously still boycott things & try to be conscious in a lot of ways, but gone are the days of actively going out & trying to fuck something up haha.

That trip away was seriously the shake up I needed to realign with that more focussed youth that was hiding inside.

This world is fucked up right? Suffering, corruption, & war everywhere even if you can’t notice it at first glance, it’s everywhere. Even here, safe as fuck in our clean & pristine countries. Disconnected from severe poverty & blatant suffering. We deal with a different type of suffering, a different type of war. Media selling a lifestyle that is unattainable for everyone, that makes you think owning certain products & brands creates status & prestige; haha, well it does, but that status is bullshit & only measured in relation to what that same media perpetuates, all I see when I look at people adorned in those unethical brands/expensive uneconomical cars/products is an apathetic piece of self indulgent shit who would sell us all out to grow their own ego.

Anyway, my point is that these lifestyles directly link to the suffering & poverty in other parts of the world. If you have lots of money why not spend it on organic fair trade sustainable products?? Oh wait is that to ‘trendy’ or something.. fuck, its fashionable to not be fashionable. All of this is barely the tip of the iceberg, we are so safe we don’t care about anything enough to warrant protest or real fight. I am so guilty of this as well. Pathetic of me I know to drop movies in a rant like this but films like Weather Underground & more recently Milk are full of that passion & drive for change, where the hell did that go??

How did we let it get like this? & what are we.. what are you or I as individuals going to do to change it? because we can change it.

People suffer & live horrible lives because of small decisions you make, wether it is a conscious decision to buy a certain product or brand. We can make a difference. Time to wake the fuck up.

Fuck this is a ramble & a half. Sorry, I fucking hate reading things like this on the net haha oh well..